miles to go before i sleep
by yyty255
Summary: Drabble-fic. He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. Harry doesn't really care.


I was bored, so I scrounged up 50 prompts to write? So yeah, have a bunch of (really) short drabbles, which, as usual, have turned out slightly angsty-er than expected. And yeah, I feel a bit out of writing, and I think my style has changed, **again**, so this is a bit weird, I guess?

And um, yeah, I might remove this and replace it with a full story if I ever have the inspiration to do so?

Warnings: Slight AU and the OOC-ness that comes with that. Also, tense changes. **Trigger warning for self-harm in #49.**

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1. Ending

_Some say the world will end in fire/ Some say in ice._

Harry Potter dies on the day that his parents die.

Years later, the Wizarding World collapses on the same day.

The rest of the world moves on, unchanged, unaffected.

_This is the way the world ends/ Not with a bang but a whimper._

_._

2. Mock

_Freak. Idiot. Good-for-nothing._ He knew not to rise up against the insults, the constant name-calling.

The last time he did so, he was locked up in the pitch-black darkness of his closet.

And anyways, it's not like they weren't telling the truth about him.

.

3. Smile

On the train, in the castle, throughout all of his years with them, they never noticed.

All of his smiles, the oh-so-rare and beautiful smiles, never reached his eyes.

.

4. Tease

They thought that he was teasing whenever he mentioned how he didn't understand people or how social interaction worked.

_I must not tell lies._

_._

5. Feather

She looked so disappointed, when her feather wouldn't float.

The next time that she attempted the spell, he quietly did the same and made the large white feather rise quickly into the air.

Her expression when she believed that she was the first one to accomplish the spell was very surprised, and quite joyful.

When it caused a chain reaction that ended up with her loyalty towards him being solidified, only then did he believe that it was worth the effort.

.

6. Lie

He has never told a single lie in his whole existence. No one but him has realized it, however.

.

7. Fight

Fighting was simple, unlike people.

All you had to do was win, nothing more, nothing less.

It was what he knew best.

.

8. Pure

He had never been pure, not since the night when he lived through nightmares of torturing and maiming and killing and brutal murdering.

He never told anyone of those dreams, or how much he had enjoyed being the one to inflict pain instead of receiving it.

.

9. Kiss

What is the point of a kiss, he thought?

Months into his first relationship, he still didn't know.

He only participated because he would hurt her feelings otherwise.

.

10. Book

Books were useful for one thing, and one thing only: the transfer of knowledge between one person and another.

If they weren't enhancing his store of knowledge, then he found no purpose in them.

.

11. Magic

There was nothing special about magic.

It, however fantastical it could be, was still bound by the petty minds and opinions of humans.

.

12. Fly

He only felt free when he was flying.

While he rode, he had to keep extremely focused, in case he lost himself in the feeling and accidentally flew away.

It happened once.

After the punishment that ensued, he made sure that it would never happen ever again.

.

13. Ride

He rides so smoothly, so naturally, that he looks like a bird, elegantly stalking its prey.

After he quits the team, they begin losing spectacularly.

No matter how hard they try, they cannot convince him to reconsider.

Not again, he keeps saying. Not again.

.

14. Empty

He is empty inside.

His only purpose is to fight and win and die against the enemies that he is sent after.

He doesn't die, not permanently.

.

15. Longing

He longs for the innate understanding of others that every person around him seems to have.

.

16. Waiting

He is not patient. He cannot wait.

He has to keep moving, or else, one day, he might just forget to move and he will. just. _stop._

_._

17. Sing

He listens to Fawke's song, the haunting and pure melody of a phoenix. He doesn't react in front of the Headmaster.

He stays in bed for the rest of the day, his head feeling like it was split open due to the debilitating pain that the song caused him.

.

18. Silence

He is perfectly silent, when he forgets that normal people are supposed to make noise.

It's just so hard for him, trying to remember what he needs to do in order for others to accept him as a normal and perfectly adjusted person.

.

19. Hidden

In the closet under the stairs. In the corners of his classrooms. Out of the limelight, in the House that no one expected him to be sorted into.

He is never seen.

He is always hidden.

.

20. Sacrifice

He was raised to be a sacrificial lamb, an innocent creature led to the slaughter in order to pay for the crimes of others.

He does not let himself be sacrificed. He fights, and he wins.

It's all that he knows.

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21. Blood

His wand (_ Eleven inches, holly, with a phoenix feather given by Fawkes_) has long been stained crimson by blood.

None of it is his.

.

22. Betrayal

His friends see it as a betrayal when he leaves without telling them.

If he ever sees them again, he plans on explaining to them.

If he never understood the bond of 'friendship' that they claimed, then he didn't understand why it would be considered betrayal, as there was nothing in the first place to betray.

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23. Pain

Pain is something that he knows quite intimately.

It's just another one of the Unforgivable curses that he can throw off the effects of.

.

24. Embrace

He doesn't remember much of that first year, when he was still with his birth parents, but the one thing that stuck the most was the feeling of his mother's embrace.

Slowly, that memory is fading.

.

25. Chess

Everybody is a piece on a chessboard.

Some people are pawns: easily sacrificed, but quite useful if used right.

Others are knights: used to get into places that other cannot, and less predictable.

Even others are bishops: taking advantage of openings that other pieces would be able to get to.

And then, there are the rooks: versatile, and capable of teaming up with the king.

He is a queen: powerful and capable of turning the tides of the battle, a main target for destruction.

Albus Dumbledore styles himself as a king: calling the shots, and never getting his hands dirty.

However, he ignores the other part. The king is useless without his subjects, and if his pieces were to rebel, he would be nothing.

.

26. Fragile

People are so fragile, he thinks.

How was he supposed to know that a bone-breaking curse would kill the annoying kid?

Yet another spell is added to his mental list of spells that he cannot use against fellow students.

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27. Unbreakable

They want him to be unbreakable, the perfect weapon to end all of their suffering.

He tries his best to live up to their expectations, and when he succeeds, he is shunned by the people that he was told to protect.

.

28. Loyal

He is completely loyal to them, but not for the reason that they believe.

He simply just has never lived a life not following the orders of others.

It's a thought he simply cannot comprehend.

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29. Savior

They expect him to be their savior.

After Dumbledore dies, there is no one left to pull the strings.

There is no one left to control him.

The next day, he leaves.

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30. Suffer

He leaves the world to suffer.

After all, that's what they did to him.

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31. Struggle

They don't struggle while he kills them.

One green light, and it's all over for them.

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32. Exposed

Eventually, his deception is exposed.

Others realize the truth.

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33. Madness

Wizards called Voldemort mad.

He, by their definitions, is the epitome of madness.

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34. Trapped

When he flies past the house, he sees many members of the Order of the Phoenix, trapped within it.

It isn't his problem anymore.

He doesn't slow down.

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35. Torn

When he is one, he is torn from the arms of his parents, and brought to the closet under the stairs.

A decade later, he is torn from the closet under the stairs, and is brought to Hogwarts.

Six years later, he tears himself away from Hogwarts and the Wizarding World, and he travels.

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36. Dying

They tried to stop him when he was leaving.

He left them dying on the grounds of the castle.

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37. Rescue

Until the bitter end, they expected him to suddenly reappear and rescue them from their sins.

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38. Defiant

He was never defiant, in fear of punishment.

When the threat of punishment disappears, so does he.

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39. Loss

There are many things that most consider necessary to truly live that he does not have.

Is it still considered loss when he didn't have it in the first place?

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40. Warmth

He draws comfort from neither warmth nor the heat.

It is simply yet another state of the environment that he has to learn to deal with.

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41. Angel

The last thing that they ever saw was the image of him, descending from the heavens like a vengeful angel, destroying everything in his path.

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42. Melody

The day after Fawkes sings to him, he tries to sing a song in return.

The resulting melody of clashing and discordant sounds paid back his pain tenfold.

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43. Test

Every year, a test is placed in front of him.

Complete it, he was told.

But what if I don't, he replies.

You don't have a choice in this matter, he gets told.

He gets punished for questioning.

He completes the tests every year, never dying.

He still gets punished for surviving.

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44. Puzzle

He is a puzzle that his classmates want to figure out.

When they accidentally get a glimpse into who he truly is, they back away from him as fast as they can.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

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45. Touch

He was one of the only people in the school that completely abhorred touch, and would never touch anyone, or let anyone touch him, on purpose or on accident.

If contact accidentally occurred, he would flinch and immediately flee the scene.

No one ever pieced together the clues.

No one ever wanted to.

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46. Choices

Choices are what he fears the most.

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47. Time

Locked into the dark closet, he cannot keep track of how long he has been there.

Maybe days have passed.

Perhaps just a couple of hours.

Or maybe, only a few minutes have passed.

His sense of time has been skewed, ever since then.

No one ever asks him why.

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48. Sight

He learned at a very young age to never depend on his sight.

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49. Beautiful

They call him insane.

They call him suicidal.

They do everything but ask why he does it.

If they ever did, his answer would be that pain snaps him back into reality long enough for him to focus on his assigned task.

His arms and legs are his most beautiful part, he says.

.

50. Beginning

Harry Potter died the day his parents did.

In his place, a weapon stood, primed and ready to eliminate anything in its way.


End file.
